The vampires revenge
by Sir Pent
Summary: The vampires have had enough of Buffy and decide to join forces with other Buffy hatersso they can destroy her.


Buffy the vampire slayer was sitting at her desk polishing her stake, when she heard a tap at her window. She got up to see who it was. She opened her window and saw her boyfriend of 3 minutes Angel standing on her front lawn about to throw another stone. "Hi my darling" called Buffy. But as Angel was both deaf and blind, he did not see or hear her and continued throwing stones. A rather large pink stone hit her right in the forehead and she fell backwards and hit her head on the side of her desk. She cried out before falling unconscious.

She woke up several hours later, very confused as to why she was lying on the floor. She looked around and saw Angel sitting on her bed staring at her. Suddenly everything came flooding back to her. "Why the hell did you throw that rock at me you moron?" she asked accusingly. But because Angel couldn't reply he simply burst into tears. Still annoyed with him, she got up and slapped him and shouted "IT'S OVER BETWEEN US, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Angel got up and jumped out Buffy's window. She went to her window to check that he was all right and saw him lying on the grass. Oh well she thought to herself, he's a moron, I'm sure the garbage man will throw him out. And with that she went back to polishing her stake. She admired her stake as it had saved her life countless of times. It was bright pink with little purple polka dots and a crimson ribbon on the end, she had even inscribed her name on the back of it in fuchsia calligraphy. It was her most prized possession after her worm farm.

She sat there remembering all her heroic acts where she had brutally murdered various vampires when the phone rang. "Hello" she answered.

"Hi, My names Ethel Sunflower and I was wondering whether you be interested in doing a survey on citronella candles."

"Umm no thanks." Replied Buffy

"Well I wasn't really asking you, I was telling you you had to." Said Ethel in a very authorotive tone. "What the hell, you can't tell me I have to take a survey. Get lost you freak." She said and then hung up the phone. No sooner had she hung up it was ringing again. She answered and Ethel's voice said "How many citronella candles do you currently own?"

"I told you I'm not doing your stupid survey, now go away." She said before hanging up again. But when she hung up the phone didn't stop ringing. She didn't pick it up this time and continued ignoring the constant ringing. After half and hour she couldn't take it any more. She got up and slipped her mobile into her pocket and went outside. She decided to go to the deserted house a few blocks away that was notorious for having vampires in it. She felt that a little vampire murdering would take her mind off the annoying telemarketer. But she thought wrong. As soon as she got to the end of her street her mobile wrung. Thinking it was her second bestie Marissa Cooper or her 3rd best friends bestie Mildred Hubble she answered. "Do you find the smell that citronella candles emit repulsive?" asked the same telemarketer.

"What the hell. Are you stalking me?" asked a rather frightened Buffy

"Yes"-answered Ethel. "I know where you are."

"Yeah right." Said Buffy

"Your on the corner of Privet Drive and Ramsay St" answered Ethel correctly. Buffy started to get really freaked. She hung up the phone and ran all the way to the deserted house on Evergreen Terrace. Her phone still continued to ring as she ran, but she didn't answer it. She arrived at the derelict building and jumped through the front window, she knew a bit of murdering would take her mind off the annoying phone calls. She crept down to the basement and got her stake out, ready to stab the nearest vampire, when suddenly a pair of hands grabbed her from behind. She was lifted up and thrown down the stairs, she landed on her face. She got up to see who had attacked her and standing behind her was Angel. "What the hell?" she exclaimed. On a portable white board he had written "this is for breaking up with me. Ethel, the vampires and myself have joined forces to bring you down you evil coward." Buffy turned around to see several vampires lurking behind someone who was obviously the telemarketer Ethel. She was holding a clip board and she asked "Do you find citronella candles useful at keeping mosquitoes away?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed Buffy "I will not do your survey."

"Fine then, have it your way" said Ethel evily "Vampires attack!" The vampires started to move towards Buffy, she got her stake ready to stab them. But before any of them reached her, a piano came hurtling through the window and landed on them all. They all died. Except Angel. But he then died when a tractor came flying through the window 30 seconds later and it hit him on the head.

The guys from Law and Order came to investigate the deaths. They concluded that a large hippopotamus had thrown the piano and tractor whilst in a fit of rage as an orange flamingo had stuck a hot poker stick up his arse because it got the hippo confused with a mosquito who had bitten him.


End file.
